Beautiful Girlfriend Abuse

2012-02-23 Columns

February 22, 2012 | 10:59 AM

Eh Brah! You look really cool yelling at your beautiful girlfriend in public. It really makes you look like you're in control of your pathetic, plaid wearing, illiterate, comb-less life of yours. It's no surprise that you're too busy "crying over spilled milk" to notice that the incoming phone call from "MOM" is coincidentally the same phone number as your girl's future boyfriend. I'm sorry to interrupt your very important rampage, but it looks like she has to answer this one. Do yourself a favor: once you pull your head out of your butt... COMB YOUR HAIR!

Illustration by Ron Pitts

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