September 04, 2013 | 03:33 PMVirgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Pomp and circumstance have their places, but leave them among the graduation ceremonies and British courtrooms. There's no need to whip out formal robes or powdered wigs. Just keep it real. When it comes to the deep, soul-to-soul shit, you can't hide behind "rules of order." You've chosen to enter the lawless world of love and lust. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can impose order on that chaos. Little from the outside world intrudes on the reality you create and share with someone else. Since most of this week's important events and interactions will take place in that little world, just live there—as fully as you can. The more wholly you can occupy that space, the more you'll be able to extract for use in the "real world" outside.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
You're a kid on a swing in a playground. Goaded by your school chums, you've pumped until the chains are buckling at each apex of your arc. Now they're screaming for you to jump. You know you can. You know it would actually feel good, that effortless glide through the air, the exciting tumble to the ground. You even know, in your gut, that you probably wouldn't get hurt. But your fingers won't release! Luckily, you haven't stopped pumping. You're still primed to fly as far and fast as you ever were. You may have missed a few good opportunities already, like when your buddies offered to cushion your fall with their bodies. But you have chances yet left. All you have to do is let go.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Watch your weight. You've suddenly become so receptive that desserts are effectively twice as fattening as usual. That's the downside of your current state. The upside is that you'll be twice as fed by spiritual nourishment. Thus your recent near starvation diet will seem a little more like a feast. And that's not all. It's just like the universe to throw in a bonus package when you're already reeling with newfound wealth. The powers that be are likely to throw more than a bone your way; they'll probably toss you a whole steak.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
You have the power to make a seed sprout just by staring at it. Water boils when you get mad. A kiss from you has enough juju to wake the dead. What to do with this suddenly amplified and concentrated (and hard to control) personal power? Anything you want. The trick is figuring out what you want, fast, before your batteries run back down to normal levels. You're likely to inadvertently manifest the next three wishes you make. I just hope they're things you actually want, not just things you think you want.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Frequent laughter is exactly the medicine you need, and you're finally realizing that having fun is more important than some of the other things you've been putting all your energy into. Life is short, and material success might play a factor in your maximum enjoyment of it. But I believe a much greater role in your general happiness can be played by the goofiest people you know. Forget physical sex appeal, financial status, gender, or any of that superficial stuff—look to the people who make you laugh best and most often. Invite them deeper into your life. Make room for them, and for the fun you'll have. You'll not only live longer as a result, you'll live way, way, better.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Your psychic inbox is full of spam. Your life is rife with useless distractions and annoying reminders of the pettiness you'd rather be free of. You need a better junkmail filter, but you're not sure how to implement it without shutting out at least some of the people you would like to hear from. Just like no one's figured out a hassle-free way to keep their email-box free of porn and chain letters, there's no easy way to keep your life crap-free. But if you pay attention this week, you should discover at least one way of more effectively screening out the noise and hearing more of the music.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
You're being poisoned by your environment. This is besides the toxic vengeance we wreak on ourselves in our sick self-sabotage, like pollution, pesticides, and free radicals. You, specifically, are being sickened (physically or spiritually or both) by your unique living situation. Check for radon, evil roommates, or just an overall sterility that doesn't reflect, stimulate, or amplify the richness of your inner life. Pisces are fed by richness and diversity so make sure the place you've put roots in has plenty of magic to help you keep growing, or you wither like a plant out of sunlight. Make your environment reflect you and what you believe—now. If you can't make that happen, it's time to leave.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
The more you trust, the more your trust will be rewarded—mostly. The unfortunate exceptions to this rule, however, teach us distrust so quickly it's scary. Sadly, distrust works the same way—the more you suspect someone, the more likely they are to fulfill your worst expectations. Why do we let the negative experiences have so much more power than the positive ones? Because pain is easier to remember than pleasure. This week, you have a chance to change all that. Your best hopes will yield the best results, as long as you don't give an inch to your worst fears (which are equally likely to become manifest if you do). It's an exercise in faith. Think good thoughts, good shit will happen. Think life sucks? It will.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Where have you gone? Some of your friends are convinced you've fallen down a well somewhere, and just can't get cellphone service down there. Maybe you have. From my astrological readouts, it looks like nearly all of the arrows and buckshot headed your way will miss their target. Meanwhile, you're free to concentrate on the introvert-type stuff you've been neglecting. Just don't stay down in your well of solitude for too long. Climb up before week's end or your worst enemies will discover your best hiding place, which just can't happen; you're a sitting duck down there.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Don't freeze up in fear. This week you're likely to encounter a few things that you'd rather not experience. They might be pretty unpleasant. But rigidly trying to ignore or escape them without being touched (mentally or physically) won't work, and will just make the situation that much worse. Be open, loose, and flexible. It's not like the drunken homeless guy (or whatever form the unfamiliar new thing will take) is actually a threat to you. Heed what's going on. I promise you'll learn something. You'll probably have a good laugh about it, too—and who doesn't need more of those?
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
If DNA evidence were brought to bear in processing most of the emotional crimes you're accused of, you'd be convicted every time. Fortunately, you can't easily be sued for breaking hearts or making people mad with lust. But the karmic statute of limitations is a bit longer than the legal one, and you might encounter some repercussions from some mental misdemeanors you committed way back when. Don't resist the cosmic subpoena; some part of your soul craves an accounting, and the punishments you'll be sentenced with won't be as gruesome or insufferable as you think, and will be drastically outweighed by the lingering guilt you'll subsequently be able to shed.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Lately you've shunned the open, sunny rooms of the mental house you've built; you've crawled into the spaces between the walls, slithered behind radiators, peeped through paintings, and shimmied up chimneys. I appreciate that you're trying to experience all the places between or behind the familiar (slightly tired) ones you've already visited. You're looking for something new, or something old that you might have missed. But the things you're craving are too big to fit into the places where you're looking for them. If you want something grand and beautiful to come live in your house, you can't make room for it in a walk-in closet; you'd better build on a whole new addition.
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