Where, Oh Where Has My Mojo Gone?
March 10, 2005
I don't know how it happened or why. But sometime over the last couple weeks, I've lost my mojo. I've become invisible to the opposite sex. Strange men have ceased to hit on me. I don't have my game on.
And I can't figure out how to get it back.
The problem has perplexed me so much that I've started doing what any normal single girl would do in this situation.
I blame men.
According to a Top Dating Tips Readers Poll from 2004, most men are attracted to the "modern career girl" and the "home-loving girl-next-door." Modern career girl? What the hell does that mean, anyways? Here's something else: the "free-spirited hippy chick" came in a close third.
I've been talking to my more testosterone-influenced amigos in trying to decipher their particular rules of attraction, as it were. How do they flirt? What makes them attracted to certain women? Under what conditions do they approach? And what are they thinking as they're doing it?!
Most of my male pals rely on the standard flirtation game: across-the-room stolen glances, eventually holding eye contact until their hopeful outcome—a coy smile or knowing wink from the flirtee—sends them scurrying closer to initial contact. But how do they survive their make-or-break intro?
Like many men, one friend I know uses humor as his icebreaker. But it doesn't always work. In his case, especially if he considers the chick to be a total bombshell, it can become downright painful.
"It's like falling off a cliff," he said. "And I've hit dork-rock bottom. I walk away knowing she's wondering why she ever smiled at me in the first place."
But other guys have different strategies to, as they say, close the deal.
"I look for the one quality that she probably hates the most about herself," said another guy friend. "And then I complement her on it—hey, imperfections are sexy. And then I'm so in there."
"It's the same as fishing," said yet another sage pal. "You give line, you take line, you give line, you take line—then you pull 'em in the boat, hit 'em over the head and take 'em home."
At the same time, the patterns of attraction and routines we think are working for us might actually be what's holding some of us back. One guy told me about a time he had met a good-looking woman whom he wasn't immediately interested in. But when the woman went on stage to perform, he suddenly found himself insanely attracted to her. He began looking around at all the women he had previously dismissed as not being his "type" and wondered if they had similar treasures to unlock. It opened up a whole new world for him.
That's all great and everything but it doesn't help me with my current dilemma. Why aren't the dudes talking to me?
"Maybe you're putting out that 'I've lost my mojo' aura,'" said one friend.
Right. Obviously, I'm going to have to get a bit more creative. Maybe I should join a club or take up a new hobby. I'm definitely going to have to do a lot more yoga and meditate on this.
Smarmy jerk. But maybe that is a good idea. MTW
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