This Week's Horoscope
GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)
June 02, 2005
Don't be passive-aggressive with yourself. Deep down, you know what you need. It might even be a scary kind of drastic change. That's why you might steer events towards it only semi-consciously. This can lead to sketchy scenarios like sleeping with someone "by accident," or absentmindedly sabotaging your own work so you get fired, thereby forcing yourself to move on, out of that job or relationship, etc. That's so messy and unnecessary. Master your terror. Life is full of upheavals. Luckily, you have the power to control this one, if you're courageous enough to do so. Steer your own ship. Don't just release the rudder and wait until you crash.
CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)
Get to work. It's incredibly rare when you can rack up accomplishments like this, with such ease. Usually you get distracted or derailed by some pressing emotion, some imminent drama, but not right now. You've got unbelievably productive focus this week. Take advantage of it. You know yourself; this kind of drive won't last long; sooner or later you'll get swamped by another tide of feeling that'll put you—at least partially—out of commission for a while. So put in some overtime. Earn yourself some slack now, for when you'll inevitably need it, later.
LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)
This week you get new eyeglasses, astrologically speaking. Maybe the old ones were scratched up, or perhaps you required a new prescription. In any case, you weren't quite aware of how blurred and fuzzy and indistinct your world had become. Now that everything's coming into sharp focus and crystalline clarity, the inefficiency of your old way of seeing is obvious. Take action. It's been ages since you knew, so clearly, exactly what you wanted to do, and how to go about it. It's a use-it-or-lose-it scenario, so I say act on your new-and-improved vision, so you don't have to go back to the relatively murky befuddlement you've been suffering for months.
VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)
Go to the beautiful park on the far side of town. Bring the book(s) you've been meaning to finish (or start). Later, arrange to meet that acquaintance you exchanged numbers with at a party a month ago. That's my advice. Simple. Nothing exciting; you'll be able to catch up on your reading, and have a nice get-together with a potential new friend. Some weeks, that's all that happens, and that's just fine. I think you're in for a perfectly pleasant and enjoyable week. The only thing that could ruin it is if you've got your heart set on more.
LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)
Last week I referred to your adaptability as your strength. Naturally, it's also your curse—which you may discover, to your dismay, now. Anything as versatile and useful as your resilience cuts both ways. It can dramatically improve your life, impress people, and enhance your chances of survival, but it can also damage your credibility, alienate friends, and backfire. You have two options: You can, of course, refuse to change, remain as rigidly fixed as possible, and avoid both benefits and drawbacks of your ability—but that'd be so lame and boring I'd have to stop speaking to you. The other option is far superior: like any superhero, the only way to master your power is to use it. Practice makes perfect, and screwing up along the way is part of the deal.
SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)
You're not afraid of darkness, nor of being dark. You'll go there, when necessary. So when confrontations become quite brutal and ugly this week, you're likely to be tempted to turn up the evil factor and fight fire with fire. Resist the urge, though, Scorpio. It's totally unnecessary, since you can actually win (or happily resolve) these dread scenarios while keeping your hands clean and your heart pure. Plain old courage, dynamism and creativity, along with a dollop of compassion, will deliver victory, fame and the actual admiration of your opponents. Save the dirty dark stuff for later, when you might need it.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)
Sex is the answer. I'm not kidding. The stresses of your life, the power struggles, the battles of wills, the workload; these are monstrous drains on your ability to cope. They have the power to drag you down or even kill you if you don't take care of yourself. The answer isn't a cold beer and hours in front of the television—even if you had enough time for that, it's not strong enough medicine to counter all the shit you have to deal with right now. Sex is the answer. Get freaky with it. Right now you need pleasurable connection with another person (or other people). Don't deny yourself, or you'll pay the not so pretty consequences.
CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)
Your opponent is as transparent as a dreaming dog. When your canine buddy's asleep, you can guess exactly what he's up to, from the sounds he's making, the twitching of his paws, his breathing. He sends lots of easily-interpretable clues out into the waking world. Whoever you're up against, in whatever arena, is unconsciously doing the same exact thing. Careful observation could reveal shitloads about her devious (and deviant) thoughts, motivations and immediate intentions. Trust your observations and instincts, and act on them immediately. If you don't, things will be plain enough in hindsight—when the only available action is kicking yourself.
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)
Overstimulated, much? You will be this week, as you're swamped with work—and not just at your job. Responsibilities are piling up, and you're fast on your way to a nervous breakdown. There's no time to unwind, even, so all you can do is try to have fun with it, and not overreact; in other words, avoid throwing your hands up and quitting your job, or any other kind of rash decision. Just get one small thing done at a time, then do the next thing, and so on. Oh, and avoid coffee—it'll just make you more nervous than you already are.
PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)
I almost want you to walk around wearing a blindfold this week. Your intuition is so much stronger than your actual sight at the moment, and covering your eyes could force you to trust it. This is your kind of week, because the best thing you can do is be whimsical. If something tells you to take a different route home, or pop into a cafe, or do anything out of the ordinary, heed it whenever you can. You already know that your gut is wiser than your head. But the very nature of your life often means you have to rely on conscious thought over gut feeling. Not so this week. Give your intuition free reign; even your pouting, ignored brain will be glad you did.
ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)
The instinct of the Ram says to charge straight ahead, and butt anything in your way, repeatedly, until it either yields or you collapse. But heeding that instinct could be fatal this week, so beware! Your best bet is playing (and fighting) smart: sidestepping blows, dancing around dramas, and cleverly waiting for the proper moment to make your move—which is more likely to be a sidle than a charge, in any case. Roll with punches, or, if you can, redirect them towards other folk who are also causing you trouble. If you can get those giving you hell to battle each other, you'll be able to slip out the side door and stay clear of the mess. I think that'd be the best-case scenario at the moment, don't you?
TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)
Most of the archetypal stories found in mythology and fairy tales can be provably traced back to ancient India, circa 3000 B.C. Perhaps they're even older than that. I'd wager that the tales (and jokes) we tell each other have been around since we've been telling stories—only the details have changed. Sound familiar? This week, you already know the story you're living by heart; only the details are different. You know its beginning, middle and—most significantly—its end. Do you really need to hear (or experience) the whole thing again? I say skip to the end, so you can move on quickly to the next one, which you haven't heard nearly as often.
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