This Week's Horoscope
LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)
September 29, 2005
What's the secret of your success? Always living a balanced, moderate lifestyle and being nice to people? No f-ing way. Virtually everything admirable, fascinating or inspiring you've done has been during the journeys back to the center from various extremes. Your life may be about creating balance, but don't get too good at it; you'll bore even yourself, not to mention the rest of us. The process matters more than the result. Loosen the reins a little. Let your life slide off the rails; it's when you're working to get it back—to generate order from chaos—that you'll learn (and do) the most.
SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)
Siberia's Lake Baikal is the deepest freshwater lake in the world; its volume equals all five Great Lakes combined, holding 20% of the planet's surface freshwater. Of course, there's no way of knowing that just by looking at it. You know what people see when they don't really know you? Some freak who's mildly obsessed with sex and death. They have no idea about the vast repositories of hard-won wisdom you possess, or that you're only interested in sex and death because they're undeniably real. The world desperately needs a reality check, and you're the only one with enough perspective to go around. You've got your work cut out for you; better get started.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)
As the increasingly conservative Danish government tries to close down Christiana (the autonomous community in the heart of Copenhagen) to build condos, radicals mount resistance. The most visible opposition is the Danish Clown Army. They make humorous non-violent combat while garbed in red noses and clown suits. They understand that when your oppressors are unequivocally stronger than you, unconventional means of countering their efforts must be employed. Whether their methods work or not ultimately remains to be seen; your own out-there ideas, however, are quite promising. In other words, don't play the game you're guaranteed to lose. Instead, if you can, change the game.
CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)
Sometimes it sucks to be a Capricorn. Your drive for stability and success often makes you sacrifice opportunities for immediate happiness. You want fun, love and loads of sex as much as the next guy, but you just don't let yourself go there much of the time. Sure, you're setting yourself up for a nice future, but what if disaster strikes before your plans ripen? And even if it doesn't, how fun will abundant sex be when you're that much older and fatter? I'm not saying throw it all away in the name of instant gratification. But letting some of it slide for that reason would be less of a mistake than you think.
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)
Anyone who still supports Bush and his compassionless cronies (especially after the mismanagement of Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath) has got to be just dumb as dough. The administration's obstinate blindness to tangible dangers and manipulative misdirection towards imaginary ones is a lethal quality in leadership. Yeah, I know I'm preaching to the converted here. If Aquarians ran the world, the monkey president wouldn't stand a chance. The unwashed masses who just don't give a shit (or who are too dopey to know better) need to get a clue. This week, you have a chance to make a tangible difference in this department. Please seize it. If you cool-headed Water Bearers won't give it a shot, who will?
PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)
Even whales can suffer the bends—incapacitation following a too-rapid ascent from the pressure of deep ocean. I'm going for some kind of metaphor here; you dive just as deep as those beautiful beasts. Although sudden transitions back to the real world from those dark depths probably won't kill you, it's still brutal. Your life has to have room for the unavoidable surface stuff as well as all the profound explorations your soul craves. You know this, and have done your best to fit both in. But you'll be a lot happier—especially this week—if you can factor in something else you haven't considered: transition times from one extreme to the other.
ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)
Admit it: you like to be in charge. It galls you to let someone else call the shots, and if you're in a position where you absolutely have to submit to someone else's will, you rebel in countless little ways. It sure doesn't come naturally to you to roll over and bare your neck, but it's a good exercise in trust—especially if someone deserves and desires it. There are pleasures in submission you haven't yet explored. Won't you check that aspect of life out, even if only as a short-term game? I think you'd get off on it—and I mean that literally as well as figuratively.
TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)
Everyone notices different kinds of details and lets others slip by completely. If you ask me what someone was wearing the other day, I could only guess—I never retain that kind of information unless it's extremely surprising or notable in some way. But I could give you intimate descriptions regarding their eyes, the shapes of their faces, mouth, hair and so on. You are more observant than most, but you have your blind spots too; there's some important—in retrospect you might even consider it vital—information lurking in one right now. Get someone to help you find and notice it.
GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)
It's hard to describe weeks like this one, which will be infested with little things that will either mildly annoy or amuse you, but not really piss you off, or make you scream with laughter. I think of these middling periods as good practice time. Turn up the gain on your sense of humor. Try to find ways to smile at the petty crap that would normally irritate you. You'll find the stuff that'd make you smile before could now potentially make you laugh out loud. Sure, people will think you're crazier than they did, but so what? You've never cared about that. Crazier? So be it, as long as you're happier, too.
CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)
I'm no anti-capitalist. By all means, you should go out and make some dough. But don't let it conflict too much with your own short- and long-term happiness, which is something I lately suspect you of doing. I think there should be a maximum ceiling on how long you let yourself be miserable, especially when it comes to just making money. There are ways and there are ways. If you really think sacrificing your well-being and capacity for joy just to receive a pitifully small paycheck is your only option, you're not being creative or resourceful enough. You're probably underestimating yourself, too. Let this Libra New Moon be the end to that bullshit, and the beginning of a chapter where profit and happiness can coexist.
LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)
Leos are generous. But they're not exceptionally practiced (at least not until after they hit their 40s) at sacrifice. It's all well and good to take care of yourself first, then extravagantly share the rest with others. But every once in a while it's a valuable exercise to go without so that someone else can benefit—especially if you can do so without making a big ego deal out of it. While I'm talking about making a sacrifice I'll mention this, too: a one-off is fine, if that's all you can manage. But a regular habit would be far, far better.
VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)
As a writer, I always have to figure out how to edit my words, boil and distill them to their most concise and potent substance. It's not just a matter of fitting into a certain space, although that's a consideration (certainly with an astrology column). It's also about holding people's interest, speaking with an authentic voice, and not wasting people's time with too much unnecessary information or bullshit. You've got a lot of fluff floating around right now. You're losing credibility by sharing every minute and mundane detail of your existence. That's not intimacy, that's over-familiarity. Figure out what's important and fascinating about your life; share that, and mostly edit out the rest.
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