This Week's Horoscope
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)
January 26, 2006
In theory, I'm trilingual. But since I spend most of my time speaking only two of my languages, the third's nearly inaccessible. On those rare occasions when I'm called upon to use it, I make embarrassing gaffes and speak like a child. It's not that I've completely lost that knowledge—I've forgotten how to quickly access it. You, too, are struggling to remember something you once knew intimately. It's frustrating, I know, but stick with it. For me it takes a week or three before I've rebuilt the synaptic connections to my rusty tongue. It might take longer (or shorter) for you, but there's no question in my mind that—if you persist—you'll get there.
PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)
How many times do I—and all your friends—have to tell you how amazing you are before you'll stop being so insecure? You're incredible—except when you're not. When's that? Whenever you hold yourself back because you can't quite believe how much you're capable of. That's just self-defeatist bullshit, and I'm as bored of it as you are. You've had countless moments of validation: basically whenever you've tried something (with a very few exceptions), you've succeeded. Yet somehow you doubt that you can repeat your accomplishments. Well, get the hell over it, please. When you do—and not before—you'll quite likely be, well, rich and successful.
ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)
Your sign is the province of little children and the ancient. The essence of Aries is playful, innocent, slightly selfish, enthusiasm. Little kids are like that. So are some old people—the ones who are so over it they're into it again. They've released the responsibility and heaviness they've shouldered their whole lives, to just play. Everything's funny to toddlers of all ages. What a cool way of being! And you're lucky enough to have it come naturally. Why would you bother straying far from it? You may not quite have the freedom (enjoyed by the very old and young) to just play all the time—but surely you can justify doing so on most nights and weekends.
TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)
When I moved in, the walls of my apartment wore seven layers of wallpaper and paint. It was difficult to describe the place without using the words "dingy" and "run-down." Stripping the walls and soaking them with a fresh coat, however, made it something entirely different. You, too, have recently (or perhaps not so recently) moved in somewhere that's not exactly the homey haven you imagined and hoped for. It could be, though. Your job, this week, is to determine exactly how much energy and time you'd need to transform it. Then you can decide, finally, whether it's worth it to stick around, or simply easier to find someplace new.
GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)
I have this utter compulsion to share everything (and everyone) I enjoy. Subconsciously I believe that they'll love what and who I do. Rationally, I know that's ridiculous, especially given my taste in highly original friends. Nevertheless, I've optimistically organized countless parties populated by people who mixed as well as oil and water, or forced my buddies to endure experiences I should've known they'd despise, just because I couldn't wrap my head around our essential differences. Don't make the same mistake. Your intentions are good, but not appreciated—at least not by these guys. If you want them to stick around, chill out. You can still enjoy the thing(s) you were so eager to share—by yourself.
CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)
New Moons don't get more chill than this week's dark night in Aquarius. Talk about mellow. Don't bother having ambitions this week; you'll be lucky if you can manage to cook a proper dinner more than twice. Not that you should forget about long-term dreams; just don't expect short-term results. If you're going to aspire to anything right at the moment, keep it simple and social: hanging with friends is bound to be sweet, casual and utterly drama-free. Don't push any of that stuff that's been nagging at you. All that shit can—and will have to—wait.
LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)
There's very little you can't do. But let's face it: just because you're capable of something doesn't mean you enjoy it. This week it's important to make the distinction: are you doing something because it pleases others, or because it pleases yourself? A lot of Leos get into this trap of doing shit because it earns them praise and admiration. That's not entirely a bad thing, and certainly not a reason to stop, necessarily. But I think it's important to find something you'd do whether anyone else praised you (or even noticed) or not—and this week is the right time to start doing, at least part-time, exactly that.
VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)
I spent about an hour singing your praises tonight. Once I got started, I just couldn't stop. I love you people. But I found myself, at the end, feeling stung with compassion when I was compelled to add: "But I wouldn't want to be one." You sure don't have it easy. The problem is, you often make things look so easy—accomplishing more with one hand than any two of us could do with our whole bodies. Many people don't appreciate how much effort it actually takes. This week is a good time to gently clue them in. If you do it sweetly and without a built-in guilt trip, my solo song of praise will almost instantly blossom into a full-on choir. Now, doesn't that sound fantastic?
LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)
Some Libras have a problem: they're nice. Fine. Nice is nice. Unfortunately, that's not the end of it. They're stuck with this idea that the only alternative to nice is not nice. Nasty. Mean-spirited. Ugly. Sure, that's one option. But for the majority of you (who are, I believe, slightly more worldly and/or evolved than that) you know there are other options. Recognize that nice is a fine starting point, but to finish there is about as dull as dishwater. You've got to push the boundaries of who you are until it goes beyond the tedious mundanity of nice, sweet and pretty. Stretch beyond nice until you're simply amazing. Anything less—quite frankly—will just bore us to tears.
SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)
I've never known you to be so romantic. I don't mean red roses and seduction—that's well-trod ground. I just have never known you to wear such a Vaseline-smeared lens when reviewing your memories, distorting them into appealing confections that they simply are not. Why are you subjecting yourself to such powerful self-delusion? Is it because your present isn't what you wish it were? Trying to relive or recreate half-forgotten chapters isn't the right way to improve it. Even if you "succeeded," the new version would never be what it was—and you might even destroy anything good about the old version while you're at it.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)
You've been looking backwards a lot lately—not because you're longing for the past, but only to attempt to cover your tracks. Why don't you want people knowing how you got here? Or is it that you're embarrassed about (or ashamed of) the detours you took along the way? Ironically, all your efforts to hide or obscure where you've been only point them out, because they stand in stark contrast to your usual forthrightness. If you don't want us to notice, pay attention to, or care about what you've been up to before, you've got to stop focusing so intently on it yourself. Keep your eyes on where you're headed and who you are now, and so will we.
CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)
A ladybug has taken shelter in my apartment. I wonder if it's escaped the frozen death it faced outside just so it can wait longer to die, or if it has some reason to continue. How about you? I don't mean to be too dramatic, but you're reminding me of that insect. Does your current inaction stem from helplessness or apathy? Is there really nothing you can do, or simply nothing you can motivate yourself to do? I suspect the latter. Waiting for something to happen won't work for the ladybug, or for you. Get your butt in gear, darling. It's a long time 'til spring.
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