Another chat with a partially informed kook
April 13, 2006
The U.S. occupation of Iraq has officially entered its fourth year, with no end in sight. To get insight into how the war is affecting the average man on the street, I talked recently with Howard T. Muskogee of Wailea.
MAUI TIME WEEKLY: Thanks so much for talking with us about the war.
HOWARD T. MUSKOGEE: My pleasure. I've been saying for a long time that this whole thing stinks.
It's all messed up. I mean, take a look at this Associated Press story that ran in The Maui News on April 5. Just look at this headline! That tells you everything: "Must-pass legislation tempts panel; bill to fund war balloons." That's outrageous!
I'll say. I recently read an estimate that the war is costing taxpayers $2 billion every week-
Not that, you pencil-necked cretin—the part about the war balloons. What the hell are we doing funding war balloons?
I'm sorry, what was that?
War balloons, you imbecile! Why is the Pentagon funding war balloons? My God, even I know that war balloons are totally obsolete. Why, you don't even need a missile to shoot one down-
I mean, you could blast them out of the sky with slingshots! Slingshots! They're just balloons! If they didn't work in the Civil War, why the hell would they work now? Doesn't anyone in the government think these things through?
What? And don't call me Howard. We're not friends. I don't even know you. For all I know, you could be a serial arsonist. Call me Mr. Muskogee.
Okay, Mr. Muskogee. I think you might have read the headline wrong. I mean, it certainly is awkwardly phrased, but I think you've got the wrong idea. The bill isn't funding war balloons—it's funding for the war that's ballooned.
See, the story's about how congressional funding for the war has ballooned this year. See, if you read the first paragraph of the story, you see that legislators added more than $10 billion in new war spending just last week. Mr. Muskogee, I don't-
Howard. Call me Howard. MTW
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