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Funny Page
Apply For This!
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January 11, 2007
Mayor Charmaine Tavares has
extended the deadline for applications submissions from Maui County
residents for appointments to Maui County Boards and Commissions until
Wednesday, January 31.
-County press release, Jan. 5
With 34 boards and commissions, it's no wonder the county's having
trouble filling all the vacancies. But according to a well-placed
county source that may or may not actually exist, at least part of the
reason the process has been dragging on lies with the application
itself. It seems county officials are now making it easier on
applicants by cutting out some questions that are redundant,
superfluous or simply none of the county's damn business. Luckily, we
obtained the original applications so you can see some of the
controversial questions yourself:
BOARD OF ETHICS
• Honesty—are you generally for or against it?
• If for it, how do you square that belief with your desire to work in government?
• If your application for this board were to somehow get lost, and a
certain county official told you that it would cost $50 to find it,
what would you do? (Use attached sheet if you need more space)
• I mean, I'm just asking.
• It's not like I need the $50.
• It's just… What?
BOARD OF VARIANCES AND APPEALS
• Do you have any idea what this board actually does?
• If yes, why don't you already work for the county?
COUNCIL ON AGING
• Are you getting older?
• Is any member of your family getting older?
• If you said yes to either of the above, how do think this will
affect your ability to vote on various plans, programs, issues or
legislation affecting older people?
MAUI COUNTY ARBORIST ADVISORY COMMITTEE
• Do you have any plants around your home or office?
• If yes, do you talk to them?
• Did you remember to water them like I asked?
COMMISSION ON NAMING STREETS, PARKS AND FACILITIES
• Do you prefer naming streets after flowers no one can pronounce or dead people no one remembers?
• The big stadium you passed on your way here today—what's it called?
• The building you're sitting in right now—Does it have a name?
• Rank the following names in the order of their coolness: Kalana O
Maui Building, Charley Young Beach, Dairy Road, Eddie Tam Memorial
Center, Dig Me Beach.
• If someone offered you $50 to name a street after him—whoops, wrong commission.
STREET LIGHTING COMMITTEE
• Quick, without looking: are the lights outside on or off?
• Concerning the lighting of streets, do you generally side with the views of Frederick Law Olmstead or Ian McHarg?
• Do you even know who these people are?
COMMISSION ON CHILDREN AND YOUTH
• Are you now or have you ever been a child?
• Are there any children who live in your neighborhood?
• Are they good children or bad children?
• If bad, do they sometimes get together in groups of three or four
and start throwing rocks at your front window, and then when you go out
to investigate they start yelling, "You smell like a dead goat!"
• What? MTW
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