This Week's Horoscope
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
April 26, 2007
I heard a theory that after we die, we simply stay ourselves, for eternity. For some people, stuck being themselves forever is hell; for others, heaven. Forget the afterlife—the theory can be applied right now. Life is hellish for some because of circumstance (or heavenly despite circumstance)—for others existence is miserable simply because of who they are. Whether or not you'll still be you after you die, focus this week on making yourself easier to live with and love. Finding a way to enjoy being you is, for obvious reasons, a great thing to do; it might also be an investment in an enjoyable eternity.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
You became boring suddenly. Why? It's because you're just sitting around waiting for something to happen. Sure, your intentions are good; you want to give someone else a chance to be a catalyst, which is sweet of you. However, other people mostly suck at it. Embrace your vital and exciting role as mover and shaker. We need you to stir things up and jumpstart action and change. If someone else wants to step up, let them push you out of the way and do a better job, if they can.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Next week features the Scorpio Full Moon. It might be a bit obvious to point out that this full moon is a sexy one. It's springtime, and the full moon always makes people a little wild; having it fall into the most lascivious and sexual slice of the astrological pie only makes things so intense that resistance is futile. This is not the time for staid, conservative baby-making missionary-position sex. No, you should be indulging your wildest fantasies instead. Spend this week thinking up and perfecting them.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
I used to resist my frequent role as group-organizer and motivator. I'd say, "This time, let someone else pull it all together." Then I'd watch, frustrated, as everything fell apart and time was wasted. For a while I debated which was more frustrating: putting in the time and energy to communicate with and organize everyone (and then feel a certain sense of responsibility when anything went wrong), or taking a break from all that and watching a whole lot of nothing happen. Eventually, I realized that, whether I like it or not, I'm pretty good at it, and it's easier (and better for everyone) if I mostly embrace it. You're good at it, too. If that's what your friends and coworkers want and need from you, you might as well stop resenting it and give it to them.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Trust is a funny thing. Distrust someone and they'll almost certainly justify it. In choosing to trust them you may set yourself up for disappointment, but you'll also give them a chance to come through, which is really the best-case-scenario for everyone. Life is full of disappointments, but allowing that shit to change you for the worse would be a tragedy. I think letting yourself migrate from reasonable caution to habitual distrust is about the worst thing you could do, and—especially this week—you ought to kick the ass of anyone who moves you even incrementally further in that direction.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
I occasionally offend people with my bluntness. That is a problem you almost never have; people miss your point because you're too indirect. Subtlety may circumvent confrontation, but if your message isn't communicated, why bother opening your mouth at all? This week, screw tact. If you've got something to say, say it unequivocally, in terms no one can misunderstand or misinterpret. It's in everyone's best interest that you get your point across.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
This is a good week for sleep deprivation. Not only are you likely to want to skip some sleep because of all the fun and excitement you'll hopefully be experiencing, but also because going without sleep once in a while is, perversely, good for you. Yes, you make more mistakes when you're tired, but your brain is also more apt to experience flashes of a kind of brilliance not available to your rested, more rational self. One of those bursts of inspiration is likely to change your life for months, years or forever. All you need do is open the door (by staying awake at odd hours), and welcome it in.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
You don't care much about trendiness and although you can appreciate a good design, you're not likely to want to pay extra for it. In general you choose function over fashion. I only mention this habit because sometimes you shortchange yourself; because of your easygoing, pragmatic nature, you frequently settle for the first thing that'll work, when something equally useful and much more beautiful might be just around the corner. This week, hold out a little bit and shop around—whether you're looking for a computer, car, house or lover. If you can have something that works perfectly and is also gorgeous, why settle for drab and functional?
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
You'll never really know what's inside someone else's head. You might as well try to read the mind of a dog or cat. Even our pets' thoughts are entirely unknowable, and those are probably quite a bit simpler than those of your average human. Trying to read between the lines of anything someone else says or does is a surefire prescription for a kind of insanity, preceded by a nervous breakdown. Leave it alone. All you can and should do is take what someone gives you at face value, and serenely leave it at that.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Eliminate all unnecessary distractions immediately. You already have way too many of those, and this week's likely to dump a whole slew of new ones on you. So, while you can, get rid of anything and everything that's likely to come between you and the things you really want to get done. Keep it simple has to be your mantra right now, or else your life is likely to dissolve into ineffective chaos and clutter. As for anything that's likely to complicate your life: see if there's any way you can (nicely) postpone it for a while. In a couple of weeks, you'll be able to take it on with aplomb.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Are you making progress or treading water? If you sat down today and decided to draw one thousand pictures of trees, would they all be more or less identical to the very first one? Or would the last hundred be far better than your earlier attempts? You shouldn't expect anything unreasonable from yourself. You can't have a perfect body two weeks after starting a workout at the gym. But I don't think forward progress and evolution is too much to ask of yourself. This week, make sure you're moving on, not standing still (or, worse, drifting backwards).
Aries (March 21-April 19)
You'll never know if this particular idea will work until you try it. In fact, you might need to try it a few times before it'll work. Persistence is the key to this one, at least to a point. Having said that, I should add that there's no point in beating your head against a brick wall, either; some ideas are simply doomed to failure. There will come a time when you might have to recognize that this is one of those. However, that time hasn't yet come. Your idea is new, fresh and has every chance of succeeding. No, scratch that. It has every chance you give it.
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