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February 14, 2008
WATERGATE STARTED THIS WAY
Mayor Grace Saenz-Lopez (Alice, Texas—pop. 19,000) and her twin sister were indicted in January for hiding evidence in a dognapping case. Saenz-Lopez had agreed to baby-sit a shih tzu but, alarmed by the dog's sickliness, she kept it and lied to the owners that it had died. When it was spotted at a local grooming service, Saenz-Lopez and her sister allegedly began a cover-up that included the mayor's once pretending to be her sister. The mayor told her lawyer that if not for her husband, she would go to jail "for the rest of [my] life" rather than give the dog back. Most recently, Saenz-Lopez reported that the dog had run away, but many of her constituents are skeptical.
GOVERNMENT IN ACTION!
Among the accusations that emerged from an FBI investigation of the beleaguered U.S. Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction (according to a December Washington Post report) is that Ginger Cruz, the deputy director of that office, is a self-described Wiccan who had been threatening to place hexes on employees if they co-operated with outsiders' evaluations of the agency. She was cleared of those charges by the internal SIGIR staff.
OUR BELOVED BUREAUCRACY
A commercial, pre-packaged ham-and-cheese sandwich using one slice of bread is regulated by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, which conducts daily inspections under its jurisdiction, but a ham-and-cheese sandwich on two slices of bread falls to the Food and Drug Administration, which inspects plants about once every five years. That anomaly surfaced in the current presidential campaign and was verified by a Congressional Quarterly-St. Petersburg Times "Politifact" researcher in December. A USDA official admitted to the Times that there "is no rationale or logic" behind the distinction: "[I]t's an issue that makes it look like we don't know what we're doing."
GREAT ART!
In January, the Centre for Recent Drawing art gallery in a London, England, suburb scheduled a series of 55 works by artist Jordan McKenzie, 40, called "Spent," even though they consist merely of canvases onto which he had ejaculated and covered with carbon sprinkles. McKenzie maintained that the works were "heartfelt and delicate."
POLICE BLOTTER
The Austin (Texas) Police Department announced in January that it had suspended Officer Scott Lando, 45, based on preliminary indications that he had been hiring a prostitute while on duty. According to a search warrant affidavit (disclosed in the Austin American-Statesman), Lando had paid for the woman's services in part by giving her free rein over part of Mrs. Lando's closet, declaring that his wife "would never miss" some of the items.
HEALTH CARE DEFORM
In October, Syracuse, N.Y., dentist George Trusty was sued in federal court after a drill bit snapped off and lodged near a patient's eye, allegedly because Trusty was dancing to the song "Car Wash" on the radio while tending to the patient. And in January, former Skokie, Ill., eye doctor's assistant Joseph Vernell Jr. was sued after a patient complained that, in a dark room "exam," Vernell licked her toes, explaining that he was actually "checking [her] sugar level." MTW
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