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August 28, 2008
After many long years one of my dreams has come true, folks. No, I’m not engaged to Johnny Depp, and I haven’t won the World Series of Poker or landed a six-figure contract for my novel.
I’ve begun the laser hair removal process!
I know, most people are ashamed to talk about this kind of stuff. Unwanted body hair? How embarrassing.
But I’ve never been one to shy away from the uncomfortable, so here goes...
I’m a sasquatch. Yes, it’s sad but true. Since I hit puberty, I’ve been battling fuzz (more like boar hair) and it absolutely sucks. I mean, it’s practically like I need a weed whacker to control “The Beast.”
So, the other day my girlfriend called and said that she knew of a doctor who was offering the sweetest deal for laser hair removal. It was only $400 for unlimited sessions. (Disclosure, he advertises here at Maui Time—but believe me I paid full price.) The thing that got me here was “unlimited sessions” because like a stubborn weed, I’m pretty sure that it’s going to take multiple treatments to kill it at the root.
What did I decide to zap? My bikini line of course. More like a Brazilian wax—but permanent.
There was a lot of hemming and hawing over what shape to do. Nori strip? Natural triangle? I mean, it’s gonna look the same when I’m 60 as it does now, so it was a big decision.
I bet you’re wondering what the laser treatment feels like. Does it hurt? Is it mortifying? Let me put it this way: it’s not as bad as pulling teeth, but it’s no therapeutic day at the park. Sometimes it feels like a little slap and other times it feels more like an ant bite. A red ant.
The beauty of it is that it’s over pretty fast. My treatment took about 20 minutes and like I said, I’m on the high end of the spectrum when it comes to body hair.
My girlfriend’s treatment took a lot less time. Where I had 20 zaps, she had two. Not fair, but she has that nice Filipino blood to combat the Portuguese.
I don’t.
I’ll probably have to go back four or so more times and I then it’s home free. No more shaving, no more waxing. FOREVER.
How cool is that?
Way, way cool.
So, if you’re looking into it, I would totally say to just go for it. Plus, now you won’t feel so bad because you can go in there knowing that the poor Doc’s seen it all. How many other estheticians can say they’ve worked on Bigfoot?
Starr Begley will write about something intelligent next week. Maybe.
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