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December 11, 2008
ELECTORAL ODDITIES
Change Oregonians Believe In: The voters of Sodaville (pop. 290) elected Thomas Brady Harrington, 33, mayor in November, notwithstanding his criminal rap sheet showing robbery, eluding a police officer, felon in possession of a gun and other crimes. (His electoral success was perhaps due to voters confusing him with his father, a respected town elder.) And the voters of Silverton (pop. 7,400) elected as mayor Stu Rasmussen, 60, an openly transgendered, longtime resident who previously served as mayor while a man but who now sports breasts and dresses exclusively as a woman (especially miniskirts and cleavage-enhancing tops). Actually, Rasmussen still describes himself as a man and lives with his longtime girlfriend, but explained his switch as just his particular "mid-life crisis."¯
LAID TO REST
"I'm really sorry...I thought he was just tired,"¯ said Lynne Stewart, who was arrested in West Melbourne, Fla., in October and charged with stealing items from a 56-year-old, unconscious man who in fact had just suffered a fatal heart attack during sex with Stewart. She blamed her larceny on a cocaine binge that impaired her judgment such that (according to a police commander) she had sex with 20 men that weekend. (However, she was not charged with prostitution. Said the commander, "No, she just likes sex."¯)
EXCUSE ME?
(1) A woman being interviewed for jury duty on a murder case in Bronx (N.Y.) Supreme Court in October asked to be excused for the reason that she was once murdered, herself, by her husband (but had somehow been revived by a doctor). (She was dismissed from the jury, but on other grounds.) (2) In a recent report of DUI excuses in the Swedish newspaper Nerikes Allehanda, a 56-year-old woman asserted that, though she had been drinking, her driving was not affected because she had remembered to keep one eye closed so as not to be seeing double.
TRAGIC IRONY
Hummer H2 driver Yvonne Sinclair, 29, was convicted of gross vehicular manslaughter in November in Rancho Cucamonga, Calif., from a 2006 crash that killed two people and in which her intoxication was a major factor. Sinclair had bought the Hummer from proceeds of a lawsuit settlement over the 2003 death of her boyfriend, who was killed by a drunk driver.
THAT STINKS
"I would like an apology,"¯ explained Michael Wax, who was ejected in July from the Borgata Hotel and Casino in Atlantic City because of customers' complaints about his body odor. "There's no question I stink...I do have an odor. I've been playing for 17 hours,"¯ said the 440-pound man. Nonetheless, Wax filed a complaint with the Casino Control Commission, claiming that he should not have been so rudely treated in front of other patrons.
RELIGIOUS VIEWS
Recent public appearances by Jesus and Mary: Arkansas City, Kan., September (Jesus on the ceiling of the One Stop Body Shoppe weight-loss clinic); Pittsburg, Texas, August (Jesus on the body of a moth); Goshen, Ind., July (Jesus in the facial fur of the family cat); High Ridge, Mo., July (Jesus on a Cheeto); Arlington, Texas, September (Mary on a grape); Pompano Beach, Fla., November (Jesus on a slice of French toast); Gulf Shores, Ala., September (Jesus in the drywall of a home under construction). MTW
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