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July 14, 2010 | 03:52 PM "I may be talking about something that does not exist. Therefore I am free to say everything and nothing. I, in my stories and novels, often write about counterfeit worlds—semi-real worlds that are often inhabited by just one person; while meantime, the other characters remain in their own world throughout, or are somehow drawn into one of the peculiar ones…"
- Phillip K. Dick
For the last few weeks, a little lost dog has been roaming Wailuku's streets. He began with a collar and some polish to his coat, but in recent days he's dirtied from white to mottled taupe, looking rather worse for wear.
Seeing as I'm what many might call "crazy," I'm utterly compelled to rescue him—though to no avail. Many moonlit hours and Dollar Menu McDoubles have been spent in a vain effort to lure the pup into my car (not as creepy as it sounds), the backseat of which has been prepared with a sturdy box lined with blankets. But the buggah is intent on remaining rogue; while readily accepting chunks of cheeseburgers chucked in his direction, he runs away from me wild-eyed as if I were the world's largest vacuum.
"Wait, little doggy!" I yell, as I chase after him across Main, Market, Vineyard, Church, the State Building lawn and Wells. "I just want to feed you and find you a good home!"
To this he snorts and hurries off even faster.
Yet day after day and night after night, I keep seeing him. I'll be bumbling around town, thinking to myself, "Hmm. I wonder what happened to that little dog…" and there he'll be! He'll trot two steps toward me—then freeze. We'll stare at each other for a moment or two, but as soon as I make a move, he's off and running.
Reflecting on my frustration, I realized he's not the first little white dog I've come upon. Most of the others I successfully "rescued," with a one-way trip to the Maui Humane Society. In fact, I've almost got an eerie knack for it. Like, I could start a (terrible) TV show that's part ASPCA, part Pet Psychic…
My history being thus—and my latest target being such an enigma—I began wondering if he's a figment of my imagination. I mean, why not? Maybe it's like Fight Club: "When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake." I haven't gotten much sleep this last, oh, year, so perhaps that little dog is my Tyler Durden.
I guess that wouldn't say much about me. A dirty mutt wandering Wailuku is a few rungs down from an extremist revolutionary with Brad Pitt's body. But truthfully, it wouldn't be any disappointment.
Heck, if I'm going to hallucinate some sort of soul-manifest, I'm glad it's a cute—albeit scruffy—little dog. Could be worse, right? Like a feral cat.
OK. I'm reasonably sure the stray dog isn't just in my head. Probably. I hope. But even if he is, there are a lot of others that are very real. Which is bad news, because my biggest canine-catching conspirators, the Maui Humane Society, have suffered massive cutbacks.
"With an estimated budget cut of almost $160,000 from the County contract for the coming fiscal year (in addition to a cut of over $190,000 the year prior), we simply cannot support our current level of services," says MHS CEO Jocelyn Bouchard in a recent press release. "Deciding what services to eliminate or reduce has been a very difficult decision for us… but we want to maintain the programs and services that are most essential to the care and protection of live pet animals."
As of July 1, MHS can no longer accept calls regarding wildlife (see DLNR), or provide on-call services, including "after hours 'emergency' assistance" (see MPD). So even if I caught the darned thing, I'd have to leave him in the drop-off kennel outside MHS—whereas in all my rescue missions past, someone would meet me to assist and receive the animal.
Without the Humane Society's help, and with but my lonely efforts, my wayward friend could become a permanent wanderer. Maybe he'll find another little lost dog, and they'll breed a vagabond pack that'll mush around the County Building in search of cheeseburger prey.
Anu Yagi welcomes comments, and will be hanging out at mauifeed.com/kulakid. You can also follow her on Twitter at @anuheayagi
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