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Mo bettah place names!
May 05, 2009 | 03:39 AM

Let's call Haiku "Breckenridge". Let's call Kipahulu "Shangri La". Let's call Kahoolawe "Lombok". Let's build a bunch of Balinese kit houses all over the island. Let's but Buddha statues everywhere. Let's put Daikoku-san statues in our homes and call them Buddhas because we don't know any better. Let's build sweat lodges. Let's wear leis and say aloha. Let's get our trousers in an uproar over corporations that employ people. Let's practice Tantric sexual spiritualism. Let's hold Tara workshops and drink ayahuasca psychedelic potions. Let's put up websites where we say that we are spiritually advanced and offer workshops to assist others in their own spiritual awakening. Let's piss off the locals, and shoot them with 22 calibre pistols when they break into our Door of Faith homes in 2008, which will be just enough to get them angry enough to bash our faces in with brass table lamps. Let's go to MCC, where nobody goes if they eat spam and weigh 300 pounds. Let's be cocktail waitresses in Kihei, and hook up everynight with a different unemployed homeless surfer stallion with 2 girlfriends and 3 kids. Let's just forget Maui, for fugsake, we came, we were blind, we made it into an amusement park.

we aren't doing anything else, why we came here.