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Eh Brah

November 08, 2007

Illustration: Ron Pitts
Hey, if you don’t like waiting in line, then why do you keep coming in? You always look and sound like a spoiled brat: huffing and puffing with your hands on your hips because you think the person in front of you is taking too long. You always ask us to do special things for you and give you extra stuff that isn’t normally included just to make your fat ass happy. And, of course, you never ever tip us. (Also, you dress too young for your age—oh, yes, we all know exactly how old you are.) But this last visit of yours was the worst one yet. You ordered three items—and ate all three items—but then refused to pay for anything because you said one of the items wasn’t up to your standards. You could’ve fooled me—you scarfed it down as fast as the others. We never like to turn away business, but in your case, I’ll make an exception. Don’t come back!