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Eh Brah

November 29, 2007

Illustration by Ron Pitts
We wanted to send out a special thanks to the jerks that ripped off my shop a few weeks ago. What you probably don’t realize—assuming that you even care—is that we make every single piece of jewelry we sell. You stole a little bit of our souls that night. What you also probably don’t realize is that those pieces you ripped off are all one of a kind and totally recognizable, so everyone will know where you got them if you start showing them off around town. Oh, and we also videotaped you on the night of the heist. The police know what you look like and are already searching for you. So please do yourselves a favor and return the jewelry. We’ll drop the charges if you do. If it’s money you need, then do what we did and go get a job. We work seven days a week, but I suppose you don’t have to do that.