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The Holoholo Index
October 06, 2005
Sept. 4, 2003 was the date of the first Holoholo Girl. So I thought I'd break down, Harper's Index-style, what these last two years have meant for me, in writing this column.
Number of nights I've gone out: 208
Number of nights I had so much fun, I couldn't remember enough the next day to write about it: 98
Number of nights I stayed home and watched television: 516
Number of times people have commented on my "exciting, go-out-every-night" lifestyle: 359
Number of times people have told me what they thought of the column: 361
Number of times people ask me if I make stuff up in the column: 203
Number of times people have asked me to NOT print their name: 52
Number of times people have asked to be in the column: 53
Number of times I've referred to sex in this column: 51
Number of times I've referred to drinking in this column: 72
Number of times I've referred to great literature in this column: 85
Number of friends I've written about: 64
Number of times people have referred to me as a "gossip columnist:" 16
Number of times I've punched people who have referred to me as a "gossip columnist:" 2
Number of times I've pissed people off for something I've written about them in this column: 3
Number of times I've been called a "bitch" for not writing about someone in this column: 1
Number of anonymous hate letters written on pink stationery I've received: 3
Number of times I've collapsed on my editor's couch with a wretched hangover and an off-the-record story to tell: 36
Number of times I've written about my own editor: 3
Number of scandalous acts I've committed but haven't written about: 118
Number of times my mom has called, concerned about something I've written: 2
Number of times I've wanted to not write the column anymore: 52
Number of times people have asked friends if I'm "really hot,"like the graphics that accompany the column: 37
Number of times I've disappointed people who thought I was going to look like the graphic: 13
Number of dates I've been asked out on because of the column: 35
Number of times I've been asked out on a date after I wrote I had a crush on someone: 4
Number of drinks I've been offered: 167
Number of phone numbers I've scored as a direct result of this gig: 60
Number of crushes I've had and mentioned: 49
Number of crushes I had resulting from my three trips to San Francisco: 37
Number of crushes I've had on musicians or DJs: 27
Number of musicians/DJs I've had crushes on who ended up annoying the fuck out of me: 21
Number of times I've sworn off dating musicians: 25
Number of musicians who are still okay in my book because they give me massages: 1
Number of times I've told my editor "men are stupid:" 247
Number of times Viggo Mortensen called to ask me out because of the column: 0
Number of times I've fallen in love: 1 (it was a car)
Number of times I've told dates I don't want a boyfriend: 11
Number of times I meant it: 9
Number of times I've told my mom I really am happy being single and writing about it: 32
Number of times I meant it: 32
Samantha Campos is planning to audition next spring for the all-nude Broadway musical Bite Me!, based on the classic Shel Silverstein poem, "Peanut-Butter Sandwich." MTW