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Sexual Healing
January 25, 2007
Dr. Michael Ra Bouchard runs the Aloha Sexual Health and Happiness
Center on the Big Island. On his website Bouchard says, "Sexuality is
not just something which we do, but it rather a core aspect of who we
are, for its subtle—and at times not so subtle—'primary directive' is
deftly woven throughout our entire being."
I recently decided to get the lowdown on sexual health and talked to the acclaimed sexologist by phone.
MAUI TIME WEEKLY: Why did you become a sexologist?
MICHAEL RA BOUCHARD:
GRID—Gay Related Immune Deficiency—or the beginning of AIDS is really
why I became a sexologist. I was a heterosexual male living in New
Orleans, watching all my gay friends die. So I became a volunteer for
HIV/AIDS prevention. I needed to attempt to understand the behavior of
what I was happening. I realized then that AIDS was more than just a
gay disease. For the first 10 years of my work, that's what I focused
on.
What city has the healthiest sex?
Sodom and Gomorrah—do those count? Haha! Hmm… I don't know if I can
answer that. Fascinating. San Francisco popped into my head, it's a
bastion of liberalism and open-mindedness but… If you asked me what
country—the Dutch, Holland, are the most open-minded, tolerant people.
They're not only sexually, but socially very high-minded beings. The
Netherlands, Holland, Sweden, Scandinavia… Some of the best porno came
out of those countries. It's not just prurient sex, but they also have
a healthy overall attitude about sex.
The most repressed and distorted view of sex is in America. We were
founded by freaks who were literally kicked out Europe and came here
with this hardcore distortion about sexuality. We have a very
schizophrenic view of sex here. Not really a healthy, loving view. It's
also due to a lack of sex education.
What are the most common problems you hear?
I suppose the main thing folks call me about is that somehow at some
place in their life they're not happy, not feeling fulfilled with some
aspect of their relationship. My work is about having more of what they
want and less of what they don't, according to their values. Whether
it's in love, sex, their relationship or marriage. Let's be frank,
people only call as a last resort. I always say, "If not now, when?"
When I was in Manhattan, people would say, "I saw your ad five years
ago, but I thought it would get better." So they try to solve their
problems on their own, or through friends, books, until the pain of not
doing something finally becomes greater than the pain of doing it.
Sometimes they ask, "When do you know it's time to move on?"
Essentially when you've done everything you can. Is it harmful to you?
Is your partner open and willing to address it? Sex is kind of nature's
way of hypnotizing us, but that so-called honeymoon period, maybe six
months to a year or two, goes from passionate to compassionate. Sex is
10 percent of what I do, the rest addresses the relationship with
yourself, your partner and life in general. I call it the holy trinity
of head, heart and crotch—I am a recovering Catholic.
The most common question is "Am I normal?" [Alfred] Kinsey said the
abnormal sex act is the one that can't be performed. The church gets
involved with "natural" or procreative, basically straight intercourse
between a man and woman, so that according to church, everything else
becomes abnormal.
We get sexually repressed shortly after birth. But you can't deny
our biological aspect. We're human animals. However, being gonad-driven
all your life isn't the ultimate goal—we want to integrate our Chakras.
And it begins with accepting ourselves and sex—expressing it in a
congruent manner.
I'm now one of the third generation sexologists. Our philosophy is
we're here to observe and essentially assist people in being able to
have more of what they want without imposing our values on them. I work
with fundamental Christians, half a dozen at least a year. They call
me, I give them picture books, help them understand the mechanics and
tell them, "It's okay, Jesus wants you to have sex!"
For more info, visit Dr. Michael's website at www.sexhappiness.com or email sexdoc@aloha.net.
Samantha Campos is preparing to be
spanked on the Point 101.1 FM Friday night during the "Monkey Spankers"
show and hopes Motobabe will show some mercy. MTW