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by Chuck Shepherd

January 17, 2008

THIS WEEK IN UTAH

In December, inmate Michael Polk (serving time for robbery and aggravated assault) filed a federal lawsuit against the Utah Department of Corrections for denying him the right to properly practice his religion, Asatru. According to its teachings, adherents must communicate with ancient Nordic gods (such as Odin, Thor and Heimdal) and for that, it is crucial that they have a Thor’s Hammer, a Mead Horn (for drinking Wassail), a drum of wood and boar skin, a “ rune staff” and a sword (Polk graciously said he would accept a cardboard sword).

THE ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT

A warehouse on Chicago’s West Side is “the world capital of fake vomit, where it’s still made the old-fashioned way, ladle by ladle, formed and coagulated,” reported the Chicago Tribune in December. Though it is not as popular as 50 years ago (7,000 units sold yearly, compared to 60,000 then), Fun Inc. President Graham Putnam said, “It’s the best vomit on the market.” According to the awe-struck Tribune reporter: “The texture is soft and sturdy, pliable and complex, with ridges of multihued solid chunks looking like a jagged lunar landscape... perfect for the bathroom, refrigerator, auto seat or sidewalk.”

EXCITING JAPANESE PRODUCTS

The clothing company Konaka announced that it will start selling press-free men’s and women’s suits in February that can be cleaned by hanging them under a warm shower. And though not actually for sale, bra-maker Triumph International’s showed off their prototype “chopstick bra” in November in Tokyo as an environmentally friendly demonstration project. The bra holds two reusable chopsticks—to publicize a national campaign to discourage use of disposable ones—that can also be positioned to enhance the wearer’s cleavage.

LEADING ECONOMIC INDICATOR

Evangelical Christians, among all people of faith, seem excited to purchase products that reinforce their religious values, according to a marketer cited in a December Denver Post report, with the result an explosion of Jesus-themed merchandise such as Jesus riding a bull, surfing and playing soccer, Jesus air-fresheners and Grapes of Galilee wine. Among the tackier products, according to a November report in London’s Daily Telegraph, are “thongs of praise” underwear with an image of the Madonna and child and a template to place on a bread slice in an oven to create toast with the Virgin Mary’s likeness.

NEWS THAT SOUNDS LIKE

A JOKE

Salt Lake City police reported that an out-of-town man was treated at a local hospital on Dec. 1 after being beaten up by gang members. The man had earlier mentioned to the gangbangers that “Utah gangs” are not as tough as those from his hometown.

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

The 44-year-old man who allegedly skipped out on a court appearance in April in Vernon, British Columbia, in connection with marijuana-growing was arrested in December in Mission, British Columbia, when he applied for a job at the county jail. Also in December, police in Oakland, Calif., charged Jason Brooks, 24, who had just recently applied to be an Oakland police officer, with a string of 18 armed robberies dating back to May. Brooks told the arresting officers that, still, he’d like to join the force. MTW