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This Week in Review
WEDNESDAY, Apr. 27
May 05, 2005
Despite environmentalist concerns that the proposed Superferry is being rammed through the state legislature without proper analysis, the plan to run giant car-carrying catamarans throughout the Hawaiian chain is amazingly popular, according to a recent poll published in today’s Pacific Business News. Now I know that it seems incredibly coincidental that the poll was commissioned by Superferry, Inc., which has more than a vested interest in its outcome and shows overwhelming support for the plan on every island, but I’m sure it’s all on the up and up. According to the poll, supposedly 86 percent of state residents want to see the giant ferries launched. The only island that has anything resembling opposition to the Superferry is our dear, sweet Maui, where just 50 percent of those polled “strongly support” it. Anyway, all these numbers have flushed the state legislature with super courage, and they went and restored all the $40 million in Kahului Harbor improvements cut by the state Senate a couple weeks ago.
THURSDAY, Apr. 28
Goddamn, I love filling all 15 gallons of my car’s gas tank with hi-octane fuel that costs nearly $3 a gallon. Can’t get enough of it, I say! I mean, we’re not exactly going to get help from Washington on this. Sure, Dubya said the other day that we’re too dependent on oil imports—a reality that’s been true since, oh, 1973 or so—but his solution is to build more nuclear reactors. And that will really help out our whole power situation—20 years from now, when old George W. is sitting on his porch saying stuff like “Consarn it all” and “Yeehaw!” and a bunch of other stupid things that don’t make any sense—oh wait, he already does that. Where was I? Oh yes, the ever-rising price of gasoline. Looks like Hawai’i—which boasts some of the highest per-gallon prices in the nation—might get some relief anyway. That’s because the state legislature has bungled its attempts to squelch the gas price cap law that will allow the state Public Utilities Commission to regulate the wholesale—sorry, not retail—price of gas. That means the cap should go into effect on Sept. 1, you know, barring any disaster or further Bush energy speech, that is.
FRIDAY, Apr. 29
For some reason—and at this point, I’m going with the theory that this is all just some sort of weird accident—I got an email today from some salesman named Scott who thinks I need to start driving a $118,500 armored Chevrolet Suburban. I mean, it’s your standard Suburban, though with a few extra features like run-flat tires (no charge), reinforced door hinges (no charge) and a “smoke screen system” ($1,250). Standard bulletproofing will protect against 7.62 NATO cartridges as well as 5.56, 30.06 and 12 gauge shotgun rounds. Say, I’ll bet the addition of all that armor plating, run-flat tires and smoke screen generators really makes the Suburban’s fuel economy something special.
SATURDAY, Apr. 30
Spent this, the 30th anniversary of the Fall of Saigon, trying not to relate that great foreign policy triumph known as the Vietnam War to anything that might be happening today. Well, that and watching Ping Pong—I’m sorry, Table Tennis—over at the Lahaina Civic Center. Don’t get me wrong—some of those guys can really swing that paddle well enough to make you forget for a few moments that you’re watching grown adults play a backyard game normally reserved for youths and drunk college kids.
SUNDAY, May 1
It’s May Day, also known as International Workers Day. It’s a day when the entire world celebrates the contributions and highlights the plight of people who labor for a living. Wait, did I say the entire world? Yeah, that’s wrong. The U.S.—which practically invented the whole May Day thing—doesn’t celebrate it. Communist infiltration, you know. That’s why we have our own Labor Day, which I think is in September. I think it was organized by the same crew that insists we all call Ping Pong Table Tennis.
MONDAY, May 2
The Maui News ran a tiny Associated Press obit today on Gordon Shaw, who apparently died at his Laguna Beach, California home on April 26. Struck down by kidney cancer at the age of 72. For those who don’t recall the name, Shaw was the University of California, Irvine physics professor who made created an extremely lucrative business in 1993 after he published a study supposedly proving that students who listened to Mozart’s Sonata for Two Pianos in D Major scored higher on math tests than students who didn’t. Shaw and many others immediately began selling all sorts of tapes, CDs and books promising that classical music would make kids smarter, help college students and even “heal the body, strengthen the mind and unlock the creative spirit.” Anyway, the obit mentioned that Shaw “never cared for the media attention his work generated.” At least in part, I have to admit, he was referring to me. Back in October, 2000, I interviewed Shaw for OC Weekly about how recent scientific studies were showing that his whole theory was pretty much bunk. In fact, one Harvard study even showed that “spatial-temporal reasoning” increased in subjects exposed to Yanni or Stephen King novels. Naturally, Shaw dismissed the considerable research as “a couple of poor experiments done by people who didn’t look at the whole thing.” But later, he came around to admitting that “people have exploited” his work. Strangely, he didn’t include himself in that estimate.
TUESDAY, May 3
Wondering what Mike Kitagawa is going to do with so many government agencies opposing his plan to crush cars next to the Kanaha Pond in Kahului? The Apr. 27, 2005 issue of the Haleakala Times seeks to answer that question with a front-page story by Rob Lafferty quoting Kitagawa as saying he has “no plans” to crush cars near Kanaha. Sounds great, except that county planner Colleen Suyama told me today Kitagawa hasn’t withdrawn his application. He could still, but until he does, gotta assume he’s going ahead with it.
Anthony Pignataro is close to isolating the Colonel’s secret blend of 11 herbs and spices. MTW