Uh, yeah… That’s probably why I cried my eyes out, too. Gosh, you just hit the nail on my head. It hurts. Here’s why:



Oh, sorry!

Had a fun weekend with this guy I’m

seeing. It was cool: we hung out, went to a couple parties—I met his

boss and co-workers, he met some of my friends. Then we had this

romantic, very lovely dinner and he was so charming, I was swooning all

over him... (Don’t gag yet.) Then, probably because I’d had a couple

glasses of wine (okay, AND three cocktails), I told him I didn’t think

he was over his ex yet.

Oh shit.



When he insisted he was over

her—that she’s totally with someone else now and he’s seeing me—I

pressed the issue, and straight-out asked him if he was still in love

with her. And after a long pause, he looked me in the eye, sighed, and

said, “I don’t know.”



OH SHIT. Then what???

Then we sat there in silence and stared

at the dessert. It was so awkward and awful. And we drove all the way

from Lahaina to Wailuku like that. And I threw a

passive-aggressive/silent tizzy fit and dropped him off at his place,

when we’d already made plans previously to go back to my crib and watch

King Kong. And he didn’t say a word or look at me when he got out of

the car.

Have you spoken since?



Nope. I went home, cried myself to

sleep. Woke up two hours later and watched King Kong by myself. Cried

some more and couldn’t go back to sleep. Been up since 3 a.m. I feel

TERRIBLE. And I have, of course, all this work to do and it’s extremely

difficult and I hate myself. I am The Sabotage Queen.



It’s the psychologist in you that wants to show people their own insides. Is he at work right now?

No. He’s off today so it’s killing me that he’s not calling. He usually calls by now. God I’m such a mess.



You should probably bite the bullet and call him.

Yeah, did that about a half hour ago. Left a lame message. Nothing to do now but wait. And work. I hate today.



That sucks. I’m sorry.



Thanks. And thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Can’t really talk about it, like, out loud.



Yeah… I feel like actually verbalizing shit is so emotionally intensifying.



Can be, yes. And you’re so

horribly right on about the psychologist thing. I mean, we’re really

just hanging out—I didn’t need to ask any deep questions, or make any

“astute” observations. Why do I have to do that? It’s so obnoxious.



It’s a Pisces thing. I totally do it, too. It’s like that situation

with the guy that got mad at you at Tiki Lounge when you “innocently”

asked him why he was attracted to underage girls. We just like to watch

people and see the way they work and when we spot something about them

that they don’t even know, we simply HAVE to tell them. You know,

that’s exactly what you did and now he has a lot to think about. That’s

probably why he hasn’t called yet. He’s trying to figure out his own

shit. When he does, he’ll call and I bet it makes your (yeah, I’m gonna

say it) relationship, or friendship, stronger.

Wow. I guess so. Maybe you’re right. I still feel like an ass, though.



Hey, it happens. I’m proud of you for holding back for so long.



I just wish I was better prepared

for his answer if I was so willing to dish it out like that. Now I have

to defend my actions and I hate that. It’s understandable he still has

feelings for his ex. I think I’m just trying to avoid having my

feelings getting any deeper if he’s unwilling to let go. But he

is—willing, I think. BUT then again, I guess some things take longer

than you want sometimes.



Ain’t that the truth.



Anyway, that fucking King Kong movie really fucked me up.



I was so irritated with that movie. They could’ve cut, like, five minutes out of each scene and I woulda been satisfied.

Yeah, it was King Long. Ha.



Ha ha.



Samantha Campos does not find it

ironic that she has just now received by mail an unsolicited copy of

the book Minds in Distress: The Clash of Evolution, Human Conditioning,

and Culture in America. MTW