Thank you so much for allowing me to

waste more than seven months of my life with you. It was also nice of

you to leave without a goodbye or even an apology. Of course expecting

you to say you’re sorry is more than I’ve ever hoped for. You didn’t

apologize when you pissed in my bed over and over again because you

were too wasted to wake up. “Thank you” is another phrase that has

never entered your vocabulary. Like the time I drove you around for

five months because you were afraid you’d get ticketed in your illegal

truck. Or the time I spent my entire day off helping you move and had

to figure out how to turn on your generator because you were terrified

you’d get electrocuted. What a coward you are. By the way, I hope the

next girl you date enjoys golden showers—I certainly don’t!