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News%20of%20the%20Weird

by Chuck Shepherd

January 29, 2009

ALMOST HEROES

They’re either earnestly civic-minded or people with issues, but in several dozen cities across the country, men (and a few women) dress in homemade superhero costumes and patrol marginal neighborhoods, aiming to deter crime. Phoenix’s Green Scorpion and New York City’s Terrifica and Orlando’s Master Legend and Indianapolis’ Mr. Silent are just a few of the 200 gunless, knifeless vigilantes listed on the World Superhero Registry, most presumably with day jobs but who fancy cleaning up the mean streets at night. According to two recent reports (in Rolling Stone and The Times of London), unanticipated gripes by the “Reals,” as they call themselves, are boredom from lack of crime and (especially in the summer) itchy spandex outfits.

HAS NOT BEEN READING THE NEWS

The owner of a local ski shop told Colorado’s Vail Daily in November that he was confident he could sell his parking space in a town garage for his asking price of $500,000. After all, he said, it was on the top floor and next to an exit.

BUYING CRAP

Among the best-selling and most controversial toys of this past holiday season were the $39.95 Mattel Gotta Go Doll and the $59.95 Hasbro Baby Alive, both because of their interactive features, especially their digestion/excretion functions. The latter doll comes with its own food (“green beans,” “bananas”) and a warning (“May stain some surfaces”). The Gotta Go includes a toilet and brings the flushing process to life for the child. An industry insider told the Washington Post that next season’s toys would be even more realistic.

PRIME REAL ESTATE

The Platinum Lounge, a lap-dancing club in Chester, England, announced in November that it would begin selling advertising, in 4-by-6-inch body-paint squares, on dancers’ derrieres. Said the club’s agent, “I had to do a lot of research…to come up with the optimum size for the [ads]!”

HEAD TRAUMA

Two brain surgeons in the western U.S. admitted that recent operations had shaken them up, though both said the patients have since been doing nicely. Dr. Peter Nakaji, expecting to find a dreaded tumor in the brain of a woman in Phoenix, was heard on a video of the surgery chuckling when he realized the problem was merely a worm on the brain stem (probably acquired from poor sanitation). And in December, a 3-day-old infant was doing well in Colorado Springs following the discovery and removal of a tiny, almost perfectly formed foot from his brain by Dr. Paul Grabb.

AND YOU THOUGHT CENTIPEDES WERE BAD

More than 1,000 new animal species were discovered in the last decade in the area surrounding the Mekong River that runs through Myanmar, Cambodia, Laos, Thailand and Vietnam, including striped rabbits and a spider bigger than a dinner plate. Also found was a pink millipede that secretes cyanide, according to a December World Wildlife Fund report. MTW