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News%20of%20the%20Weird

by Chuck Shepherd

April 23, 2009

MILITARY INTELLIGENCE

The U.S. National Nuclear Security Administration recently postponed its crucial program to rejuvenate quarter-century-old Trident missile warheads because no one can remember how to make a key component of the weapons (codenamed “Fogbank”), according to a March 2 report of the Government Accountability Office. The GAO found that, despite concern over the bombs’ safety and reliability, NNSA could not replicate the manufacturing process because all knowledgeable personnel have left the agency and no written records were kept. Said one commentator, “This is like James Bond destroying his instructions as soon as he’s read them.” 

SPIT JOB

Researchers at Germany’s Max Planck Institute recently published findings of a cross-cultural study of people’s spit. “[W]e can get more insights into human populations [from saliva] than we would get from just studying human DNA,” the team’s leader told Reuters in February. The study’s main conclusion was that spit content does not vary much around the world, even given regional differences in diet. 

BREAKING NEWS: DOGS PEE ON STUFF

Spanish researchers at Autonomous University of Madrid reported in February that wolves (and almost surely dogs), when relieving themselves, deliberately seek out the most conspicuous places they can find (both as to sight and smell) to assure maximum territorial signaling. Male wolves prefer tall trees (and dogs, prominently located fire hydrants) and try to leave urine as high up as they can to increase its wind-carry, according to a Discovery Channel summary. 

THEY’VE GOT A FUTURE IN PORN

Biologist Michelle Solensky of Ohio’s College of Wooster reported late last year in the journal Animal Behavior that male monarch butterflies are such calculating inseminators that they even decide the optimal level of sperm necessary for reproductive advantage. While injecting fluid, the male can “selectively” determine how much of it will be fertility cells, depending on how much residual sperm the female holds from previous suitors (the goal being to always inject more than the other guys did). Solensky told New Scientist magazine that the penis acts as a kind of “dip stick” to check the quantity already present. 

MOB RULE

(1) As Italy’s banks (like so many others) curtailed lending during the global financial crisis, the country’s 180,000 small businesses had nowhere to turn for liquidity except to the Mafia, whose lending continued (at ridiculous interest rates, of course), unrestricted by the recession, according to a March Washington Post dispatch from Rome. Organized crime in Italy collects an estimated $315 million a week.

INCOMPETENT CRIMINALS

(1) In March, two men were seen on a backyard surveillance camera in St. Petersburg, Fla., attempting a home break-in during the day when no one was home. According to the police report, one of the men assumed a football stance, then ran the length of the yard and rammed the back door. However, the latch held, and the impact sent the man to the ground, writhing in pain. The collision also triggered an alarm, but the men escaped before police arrived. (2) Two adults and three teenagers were arrested in Waterville, Maine, in March and charged with arson. The evidence? A video the five made describing their crime, crafted with theme music and cast-and-crew credits. MTW