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by Jacob Shafer

May 14, 2009

WEDNESDAY, MAY 6

As has been the tradition for the last couple weeks (if that’s long enough to establish a tradition), let’s begin by pulling a press release from my always-overflowing inbox. Today’s submission is from PETA, an organization I want to like but have never been able to fully get behind. (Their ridiculous attack against Maui ballplayer Shane Victorino over his love of SPAM was a prime example of why I appreciate PETA’s ideals but often roll my eyes at its tactics.) Anyway, this e-mail blast, formatted as a letter to the editor, draws what can only be called a tenuous connection between the popular new Star Trek prequel and the many wonders of vegetarianism. The release is mostly harmless and silly, but here’s the line that puzzled me: “As usual, the new Star Trek movie will leave us with much to think about.” I don’t know about you, but the only thing the last few Star Trek movies left me thinking is: are they still making Star Trek movies?

THURSDAY, MAY 7

Wow, I just baited animal rights activists and Trekkies. And I thought my inbox was overflowing before…

FRIDAY, MAY 8

It’s interesting how Republicans are simultaneously trying to brand themselves as the party of fiscal responsibility and the party of “no tax increases ever.” They decry government waste and ballooning deficits, but have yet to get specific about how they plan to balance federal and state budgets without collecting more money. (Yes, I know, cut spending, but I haven't heard anyone besides hardcore, guns-in-the-woods libertarians identify enough cuts to pull us into the black.) The hope seems to be that no one likes taxes, and since the GOP is out of both power and ideas, they can just whip up people’s anti-tax anger and leave the messy details to the Democrats (who, to be fair, aren’t paragons of good sense and consistency either). The latest example of this style-over-substance grandstanding: Yesterday, Gov. Lingle invited the Tea Partiers to a gathering on the steps of the Capitol, where she vetoed bills that would raise taxes on the state’s highest earners and would also bump up taxes on hotel rooms and the sale of real estate worth more than $2 million. According to an AP report, hundreds of folks showed up and cheered as the governor wielded her big red stamp. Apparently the fact that the Democrat-controlled legislature will quickly override the vetoes did nothing to dampen the mood. I understand the appeal of political theater, but I hope those who attended this public display of pretend power realize they were set pieces in a PR stunt aimed at boosting Lingle’s profile and greasing the wheels for a run at the United States Senate.

SATURDAY, MAY 9

So they released the list of the most common baby names of 2008, and Jacob was once again tops for boys (Emma for girls). I suppose I should be happy my parents gave me a popular moniker (and mostly I am), but what it means practically is that every time I pass a playground or schoolyard I hear adults calling to me, often in disapproving tones. The stats, which come from the Social Security Administration, found Barack moving steadily up the charts along with Miley while one of the new names to crack the top 1,000 was Kash, meaning Americans are still equally influenced by national politics and low-brow pop culture—and don’t know how to spell. 

SUNDAY, MAY 10

It’s a truism that’s been worn to cliché: More than a genuine celebration of motherhood, Mother’s Day has devolved into a transparent excuse for greeting card companies and knick-knack manufacturers to hawk their wares during the lull between Valentine’s Day and the fall/winter holiday marathon. That said, mothers are way cool and recognizing their importance is never a bad thing. To my own mom, my son’s mom (alternately known as my wife) and all the other mothers out there: thank you for all you do—and I hope you liked the card.

MONDAY, MAY 11

This week in governmental incompetence: According to multiple reports, the Department of Public Safety’s Big Island office inadvertently sent a list of former state inmates—complete with their Social Security numbers—to a man, printed on the back of his supervised release papers. (In an extra odd twist, one of the people on the list was the man’s cousin, who he didn’t know had been arrested.) Following an investigation by the Hawaii Tribune-Herald, the department blamed the incident on a cost-cutting policy wherein inter-office missives were sent using old documents. The man returned the papers and promised he didn’t make any other copies, while his cousin is considering a lawsuit. Recycling and frugality are all well and good, but stupid is stupid. 

TUESDAY, MAY 12

The Superferry fight might be over (at least for now), but that doesn’t mean Hawaii’s waters are calm. Another inter-island vessel-related storm is brewing, this one involving two shipping companies: Young Bros., which controls roughly half of all cargo service between the islands, and California-based Pasha Hawaii Transport Lines. Pasha currently bites off only about 10 percent of the market but is looking to expand, and the company has some heavyweights in its corner. According to a Pacific Business News report, as Pasha makes its case to the Public Utilities Commission, it’s gained the support of the U.S. Army, Gov. Lingle, state House Speaker Calvin Say and Maui’s own Rep. Joe Souki, who heads up the House Transportation Committee. Pasha’s pitch is that increased competition is a good thing. Young Bros. counters that while it’s legally required to service small harbors like Lanai and Molokai, Pasha would be free to target only large, profitable ports. Tough to know who to root for (my only strong hunch is that, when the winner emerges, it won’t be consumers), but this will certainly be a test of Young Bros.’ muscle. MTW