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by Jacob Shafer

May 21, 2009

WEDNESDAY, MAY 13

May, I have been informed, is melanoma awareness month. Of course, on Maui and other places near the equator, every month is melanoma awareness month. And yet we tend to forget or ignore the dangers posed by overexposure to the sun. So, a refresher: Don’t stay out too long. Wear sunscreen and make sure the keiki do, too. Apply it in a cool place before you’re covered in sweat and salt water. Remember that SPF only indicates protection from UVB rays, which lead to sunburn, and not UVA rays, which cause melanoma. Finally, get regular check-ups—as with all forms of cancer, early detection is key. More info can be found on the American Academy of Dermatology Web site: www.aad.org (In anticipation of an e-mail or two, I’ll add that I’m aware some studies have actually linked sunscreen use with melanoma. I am not a health expert nor do I play one on TV, but my limited research has led me to conclude this link is due to people misapplying sunscreen, believing they’re more protected than they are and then overexposing themselves. I welcome alternate theories, even—or perhaps especially—weird ones.)

THURSDAY, MAY 14

That darn swine flu keeps making news (today’s example: the AP reports UH “will forgo the traditional handshake during…commencement ceremonies” and will provide graduates with both diplomas and sanitary wipes). Interestingly, the media-perpetuated hysteria doesn’t line up with public perception. At least not according to the results of a new Zogby poll, which found that only 18 percent of respondents considered swine flu to be a “severe” threat. The other 82 percent have presumably read past the headlines and noticed that the vast, vast majority of swine flu cases have been mild and that the relatively small number of people who’ve died from the disease had underlying health conditions. Ah, but when have the facts ever gotten in the way of a good fear-mongering campaign? (I should note, for ass-covering purposes, that I don’t belittle the risks posed by pandemic diseases, nor do I think the media should remain silent on such topics to avoid scaring people. But there’s a big difference between providing clear-headed, useful information and whipping the public into a surgical mask-wearing, unnecessary ER-visiting, pig-slaughtering frenzy.)

FRIDAY, MAY 14

Looks like Island Dodge is the latest victim of the economic downturn/freefall/death spiral (too dramatic?). Yesterday, the Chrysler corporation announced plans to shutter hundreds of dealerships nationwide, and the Kahului outfit—which, according to it’s ubiquitous radio commercials, is “the biggest name on wheels!”—is among those on the chopping block. No great shock given plunging auto sales on the Valley Isle (new vehicle registration was down a whopping 47 percent in the first quarter of 2009), but here’s the cruel twist: Island Dodge found out about its fate the same way you did—by reading a newspaper. Shortly after Chrysler notified a New York bankruptcy court that it intended to close nearly 800 dealerships, the Detroit Free Press published a list of the condemned, which included Island Dodge. But, according to an AP report, Island Dodge had still not received official notification by day’s end. Gee, Chrysler’s so on top of things, it’s a shock they’re going under. 

SATURDAY, MAY 15

It’s official: the only thing Obama has to do to get his picture on the front page of The Maui News (an honor he no doubt covets) is flash a shaka, as he did when Maui’s Shane Victorino and the rest of the world champion Philadelphia Phillies visited the White House yesterday. It was kinda cool at first, now it’s getting a little cheesy, though it’s certainly better than the mildly satanic Tay-ha “hook ’em horns” our last chief executive was always tossing up… In other news: After less than six months on the job, Maui Land & Pineapple CEO Rob Webber is calling it quits. During Webber’s brief tenure, ML&P lost over $13 million, sold its Plantation Golf Course and fired 100 workers. Tough to blame Webber—he inherited a sinking ship and was handed a leaky bucket—but those aren’t exactly the kind of accomplishments you put at the top of your resumé.

SUNDAY, MAY 16

“God imparted that my ministry is politics. [I ask] for your prayers, help and participation to bring righteousness back into politics and government.” That’s Jonah Kaauwai, newly christened chair of the Hawaii Republican Party, in a January e-mail quoted by the AP. Speaking to the assembled faithful on the Big Island after his election yesterday, Kaauwai, who previously served as Lt. Gov. Duke Aiona’s deputy chief of staff, compared his party to a hurricane. You know, in a way he’s right: both blow a lot of hot hair, twirl around in circles, then become fragmented and destroy themselves… In other news: Not a good sign for those hoping the Superferry will make a swift return to Hawaii’s waters: they just auctioned off the coffee maker. That, and a lot of other stuff, according to a report in today’s Maui News. At a well-attended fire sale held yesterday, the company sold construction equipment, clothing, portable toilets—basically anything that wasn’t bolted down—to the highest bidder. Even as they picked clean the carcass of the ill-fated vessel, auction attendees lamented the Superferry’s demise. One man called it a “very sad day.” Hard to argue with that.

MONDAY, MAY 17

The first few months of the Obama Administration have provided a kind of greatest hits compilation of Bush-era follies, as the new president seeks to undo the real and symbolic damage done by his predecessor. The latest example: An AP story titled “Pentagon reports no longer quote Bible.” Apparently Defense Department briefings have been accompanied by snippets of scripture since at least 2003, when the Iraq invasion was launched. Here’s a sample quote from an April 2003 document obtained by GQ magazine. The verse, from the book of Psalms, appeared over a picture of a tank rolling through the Mesopotamian dessert: “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground…” OK, but that doesn’t mean this war was, like, a crusade or anything.

TUESDAY, MAY 18

Oh wait: “This crusade, this war on terrorism, is going to take a while.” - George W. Bush, September 16, 2001. MTW