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Eargasms and Blind Golfers

by Chuck Shepherd

February 17, 2011

RAGING HEARD-ONS

The ear has a “G-spot,” explained a California ear-nose-and-throat surgeon, and thus the moans of ecstasy that Vietnamese “ear pickers” reportedly elicit from their clients might well be justified. A San Jose Mercury News reporter, dispatched to Ho Chi Minh City in January to check it out, learned that barber shop technicians can sometimes coax “eargasms” (as they removed wax) by tickling a certain spot next to the ear drum served by multiple nerve endings and paper-thin skin. Said one female client, “Everybody is afraid the first time, but after, it’s, ‘Oh my God!’”

CHECK YOURSELF

Edward Hall III, 24, a Columbia University researcher, was arrested in January for trespassing at JFK airport in New York City after he disobeyed United Airlines personnel and tried an alternative method to board a plane. He told ticket agents he badly needed to be on the flight to San Francisco even though he had forgotten to bring a photo ID. Frustrated, Hall stepped behind the counter and crawled onto the luggage conveyor, where his next stop, minutes later, was the tarmac where bags were being loaded—and where he was arrested.

THE IDIOT CLUB


Alex Good, 15, practicing tee shots with his high school golf team on a rainy day underneath a golf course awning, had one of his drives hit the metal pole holding the awning up, causing the ball to ricochet into his eye, resulting in likely permanent damage. Despite the fact that the pole was directly in front of the tee, inches away, Good nonetheless charged the Pumpkin Ridge Golf Club in Hillsboro, Oregon, with negligence and filed a $3 million lawsuit in January.

YOU PUT YOUR VULVA IN, YOU PUT YOUR VULVA OUT

A suburban Chicago high school health-class instructor’s technique for teaching the names of female reproductive parts caught the ire of the Illinois Family Institute religious organization in January. To some of the kids, teacher Jacqulyn Levin’s “game” was nothing more than a mnemonic to facilitate memorizing the anatomy, but others told the institute that Levin’s play on words was chantable, could be set to the tune of the “Hokey Pokey” and was referred to by several students as “the vagina dance.” Said a complaining parent, “It is disrespectful to women and removes modesty about the reproductive parts.”

INCOMPETENT CRIMINALS

Jimmy Honeycutt, 27, was arrested in Pawtucket, Rhode Island, in October and charged with five recent robberies of liquor stores. Among the items found on Honeycutt was a telephone directory listing of liquor stores, with the ones recently robbed marked off.