You're In Control
August 09, 2008 | 04:04 PM

Dear L.B.,

My parents hardly ever spanked me, instead all they did was remind me of two things, 1) they were always in control & 2) that no-matter how bad I though I had it, someone has it much much much worse. Unfortunately, you are not in Texas where you can just drive your kid to the worst ghetto ever and ask them if that is where they want to end up. Maybe you can drive to Happy Valley sometime and ask your daughter if she wants to live in government housing and trying to figure out a way to pay for her next fix (please if you live in Happy Valley and don't do drugs- then do no be offended by my comment).

Teach your daughter that you are the dictator of compromise. (Yes I understand that statement contradicts itself.) Instead of threatening over and over again (which I assume many threats are empty) let her know that her choices have consequences, inform her of the consequences and make sure that the consequences come through. After she makes several good choices take her out to do something special (that is the compromise part). (So basically you are threatening her but with calmness instead of anger----this is why spanking is so frowned upon today is because tooooooo many people spanked their kids out of anger and often it goes too far or impacts the child emotionally down the road. You're right an occasional swift swat is not going to crumble your daughter now or in the future.)

Kids these days have figured out that they are in control. As adults, we have to take the control back and in a tactical manner rather than throwing our own tantrums. When you get frustrated and start yelling and threatening what are you doing.....that's right you are throwing a tantrum. Ultimately our kids learn from us....lay down the law in a respecting manner and over time you will see your daughter change her attitude.....Of course, always easier said than done.

If that doesn't work then leave your kids with someone who will ACT like a really mean baby-sitter (obviously someone you trust) and then if they act up just let them know that if it so bad in the house then they can go stay with the mean baby sitter over the weekend.

Good luck!

Russell A.